Maybe say maybe

Last night I took part in The Butterfly Effect Tour, with an open mind and a ready heart.

As recently as a year ago I would have scoffed at the concept of yoga as community service. I know this because I specifically remember practicing at a meditation retreat last May and inwardly groaning when the teacher suggested we exhale a positive contribution to the world as we stretched our arms into warrior one. “Are you serious?” I thought. I’m all for yoga, and I’m all for positive contributions, but don’t tell me they’re the same thing, that asana is more than exercise.

How, I wondered, could my personal practice, my own selfish act of betterment, be portrayed as an act of generosity?

Last night I got my answer. Twee, the lovely lady who led the class, believes that a butterfly fluttering its wings in Bali can change the winds on the Gulf Coast. When we give good energy, it has to go somewhere, so why not send it out with intention? But we can’t feed the hungry in other countries before we feed the hungry in our own backyards, and we can’t even do that till our own appetites are sated, our own needs addressed. In a troubled world, you do your own yoga, heal your own heart so that it can better love others.

Maybe. Yes. It’s possible. That’s what Twee asked us to consider–to resist an automatic “no” and instead allow for what may be.  “Maybe say maybe,” she suggested.

So that’s what I did when she asked us to turn to the yogi next to us, lock eyes, and then help each other fly (aka come up into an assisted handstand). My first thought, after I’d choked back a wave of terror, was “absolutely not.” I can’t even do crow pose, much less a headstand or handstand. But my partner was willing, and as I helped her, I pressed against my own resistance and thought, “Maybe maybe.” And when it was my turn to try, instead of shaking my head I shrugged my shoulders. And yeah, I fell a couple times. But then I kicked up, and my new friend kept me stable, and I was flying, electric with the awareness of my own strength.

Maybe. Yes. It’s possible. By overcoming, or at least agreeing to confront, my fears on the mat, I am better able to acknowledge and face my fears in the world at large. I have a better understanding of what it means to feel frightened and to summon courage, and maybe that really does make me better able to help others.