You’re about to read Chapter 24. Want to start this story from the beginning? Go here.
The past twenty-four hours have felt like a blur, and I’ve barely slept for any of them.
And yes, the loss of sleep is related to the fact that I went on a date. But before you get any ideas about why that is the case, allow me to breeze through the material for Lesson 24.
Your soul’s purpose is so important
Although this is my first exposure to Lesson 24, its contents were very familiar and certainly rang true.
In sum: you really, truly, need to be you.
Not the you that others expect you to be, but the you that your innermost self is crying out to express.
It is SO important that you do this.
Ultimately, self-actualization is important for the sake of world peace.
But attracting your life partner is a rather appealing perk!
The catch(-22)
As Katherine puts it, “for many of us, finding our spiritual partner opens the gateway that leads to the fulfillment of our soul’s destiny.”
In other words, it actually is true that partnering with the appropriate person can bring out the very best in you, maybe even your highest potential that could otherwise go unrealized.
That’s one reason I miss Paul. With him, my growth felt accelerated.
It was like, with our powers combined, a new world of possibility appeared. We were co-creating, for real.
He fully believed in my life mission, and I in his. And although I want to think I would have had the courage to quit my job and pursue my heart’s calling on my own, I do not know if that’s true.
Of course, even on my own, my life mission still stands. I was pursuing it wholeheartedly before I met Paul—which is probably why we connected in the first place.
Or, as Katherine says, “while we may yearn to find “The One” who will inspire us to understand the value of our lives at a much more profound level, the way we draw such a love toward us is by already being actively engaged in seeking and expressing our highest destiny.”
In other words, your partner probably will make things better, but you can’t wait around for them to show up.
Onward and upward
About a year ago, shortly before my little sister’s wedding, I realized on a deep level that I could no longer wait for my partner to appear.
Or, as I described it in Lesson Zero, “I had an incredibly transformative breakthrough that allowed me to finally, finally be willing to fully forge my own life path even without the partner I so deeply desired.”
And now here I am again, deeply desiring companionship, yet forging ahead alone.
But I’m much further along than I was before, and I am more convinced than ever that my beloved is en route.
And because I’m so sure he’s coming, I can focus all the more on what matters most—which is of course my soul’s growth.
I know that the connection and possibility I shared with Paul was not a fluke, and I am moving onward and upward, with or without a partner present.
Lesson 24 in practice
If you do not already know your soul’s purpose—well, first of all, let’s talk. Because that’s exactly the kind of question it is MY soul’s purpose to help answer.
But secondly, don’t stress. Soul purposes are usually simple. To serve. To learn. To love. Stuff like that.
Of course the specifics of expression vary widely, but the end game tends to be the same.
And the journal prompts from Lesson 23 are a helpful launching point toward identifying how you can best contribute while you’re on the planet.
What do you love to do? What comes naturally to you? When have you been the happiest? What do people tell you you’re good at?
Answer some questions like those and you’ll get a decent idea of why you’re here.
Personally, this journaling exercise was my favorite thus far, because completing it was easy and fun and fulfilling. And thanks to my date, it was also four in the morning.
I did it. I went on a date
The date was a textbook success.
I don’t want to say too much about it because the experience itself was not the point. The point was that I went.
Although I almost didn’t.
Fifteen minutes before it was time to leave I was in a bathrobe with wet hair and a phone in my hand, panicked and about to back out.
But first I contacted a friend, who set me straight.
It’s true I was hesitant to head downtown into a huge crowd just hours after a purported terrorist attack.
But it’s also true that I have lived in New York for twelve years and I was not really afraid. (Of traveling, anyway.)
And then on top of receiving my friend’s tough love, I checked in with my spirit guides, who confirmed that I needed to go have the experience.
“Remember this is one action of many on your mission,” they said. “It is only an action, not a life commitment. And while you do not have to be excited, you will feel better if you are open and at least pleasant.”
So, fine. I went.
And you know what? It turned out to be pleasant!
The date needed to happen
Within five minutes of my arrival I understood why the meeting was important.
An hour or so later we parted ways, and I felt good.
I realize more details might be of interest. But for one thing I’m too tired. And for another thing my date doesn’t know about this blog and I don’t feel right dragging him into it without first reflecting further. And finally, there is still a small part of my mind that thinks Paul could somehow see this, and if I ever tell him about what happened, I want to do so in private.
Anyway, like I said before, the experience of the date was not really the point.
The point is that I showed up with kindness and authenticity and received exactly what I needed.
Including a massive dose of caffeine.
There’s a reason I usually drink decaf
I am highly sensitive to caffeine, and the more I work with spirit guides, the more sensitive I seem to be.
But I also get headaches without it, so my compromise is typically tea.
Sometimes I go wild and order decaf coffee, which definitely does give me a buzz.
So I should have known that requesting a full-blown cappuccino would have an intense effect.
What I didn’t expect was that I’d stay up all night.
Fortunately the cappuccino didn’t really kick in till after I’d left my date and gone to meet a friend at a Halloween party.
But as our hangout came to a close and we made our way through the costumed clusters of West Village crowds, I became increasingly energized.
And by the time I got home I realized there was no way I could sleep.
So instead I sorted through email for three hours and then wrote Paul an impassioned letter.
The letter (which, no, I am obviously not going to send) was in response to the three hours of email sorting.
Inbox zero here I come
A month or two I set a goal of hitting inbox zero, which was lofty considering I had about 20,000 emails in my inbox, approximately 7,000 of them unread.
Since then I’ve been using filters to search for a month’s worth of messages at a time and then delete and archive them accordingly.
I’d been working my way forward from 2012 and was up to January 2017, aka when I met Paul.
So last night in my caffeinated mania I plowed through eight months of email—several thousand messages—and in the process, I got a fresh perspective on how my communication with Paul fit into the context of everything else happening in my inbox.
When I finished, I had a renewed understanding of our relationship.
And my conclusion? It was a beautiful relationship. I was a good girlfriend. I do wish I could have been less anxious, and that he could have—well, it doesn’t matter.
All of that is archived now.
So I shared my thoughts and feelings in a long letter he never needs to see, and finally around 4am I was able to get some sleep.
But I woke up again by 8am, and the full effects of the caffeine didn’t wear off till after 3pm, by which point I’d not only achieved inbox zero, but also accomplished a good deal of business, gone to donate blood, and had two lengthy phone convos.
Wow, this post has jumped the shark
It is after 11:30pm now and I’m realizing this post has veered rather wildly from the topic of Lesson 24. Sorry.
Not sleeping + hours and hours of email tedium + lots of emotional processing + having a limited amount of time for writing = whatever this post has become.
But as I learned in Lesson 19, imperfections are important to share. And I did want to put all this out there. So hopefully at least something I said makes sense and/or is helpful.
Because more than anything else, I just want to be of use.
And my soul purpose is to keep trying.
Love > fear,
Christina
Want to know what happens next? Proceed to Chapter 25.
Missed what happened before? Go back to Chapter 23, or start from the beginning.
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