Receiving Inner Guidance (Lesson 25)

You’re about to read Chapter 25. Want to start this story from the beginning? Go here.

The title of this lesson made me laugh out loud.

Because if there is one thing I do NOT need to learn, it is how to receive inner guidance.

Receiving inner guidance is literally my job

I value intuition SO MUCH that I left a successful career in publishing/marketing/communications so that I could…follow my intuition.

However, it took me years to get to the point where I could fully trust my inner guidance, and even with strong conviction, leaving my job still took a tremendous leap of faith.

So I completely appreciate that Lesson 25 approaches the concept of inner guidance from an introductory perspective.

Because even a professional intuitive can always benefit from a beginner’s mind.

Once upon a time, I listened to everybody else

I have talked about Leo before—he came up in Lesson 10.

Intuition is how I finally left him:

I was in Texas for my best friend’s wedding. (Let’s call her Lindsay.) We were sitting on her back porch, smoking cigarettes like old times.

(Well, she was smoking, and I was pretending to smoke an unlit cigarette because I quit in 2005. But whatever.)

I was going on and on about my dilemma with Leo—should I stay or should I go?

This was after the summer of self-help, after I’d moved out and back in and tried every tactic I could think of. I’d been trying to make things work for more than three years.

We’d done couples therapy, I’d tried to make him quit drinking, and I’d been learning how to focus on myself.

Consequently, we were fighting less; home did not feel as dangerous. But it still felt unpredictable, and I still did not feel safe.

And yet, he seemed to be getting better. Certainly I was growing. Was not the point of a relationship to inspire growth?

I was distressed because Leo seemed oblivious to my distress. He dismissed my concerns, told me to stop dwelling on the past. But I couldn’t! But shouldn’t I?

Lindsay listened to me fret for quite a while. She didn’t really need more information—for years she’d answered every crying phone call, heard every fearful confession (that was inevitably followed days later with a confident justification).

And she understood that I didn’t need more information either.

“Dude,” she finally said, taking a drag of smoke, exhaling it carefully. “You’ve been asking everybody and their mother what they think. What I want to know is, What do you want?”

“I don’t want to be his girlfriend,” I responded right away.

So immediately that I alarmed myself. I clapped a hand over my mouth and my eyes filled with tears.

Because the thing is about the truth is that once it comes out, it can’t be ignored.

I guess that’s why denial is so appealing; as bad as a situation might be, at least it’s familiar.

Change, on the other hand, requires action, and almost always involves fear.

I am much happier listening to myself

Of course, in that example, staying also involved fear.

In any case, once Lindsay asked me that question and my intuition answered before my mind could intervene, a spell was broken.

I had to leave. And though it took me another few months to sort out the logistics, that’s exactly what I did.

Learning to love myself—being willing to listen to myself—is by far the best skill I have ever acquired.

It has taken time and effort, and it still does. But oh my holy goodness, is honoring intuition worth your while.

Intuition is different from knowledge

Katherine does a great job of explaining about inner guidance in Lesson 25.

In particular, I appreciate how she distinguishes wisdom for knowledge.

“Whereas knowledge is generally concerned with separate and fragmented pieces of data, wisdom is apt to address the deeper integral meanings of our challenges. Its goals are not necessarily to get us what we think we want, as much as they are to cultivate and encourage our spiritual growth.”—CITO, p.169

In my experience, this distinction is true. The work that I do with spirit guides brings through both knowledge and wisdom, but far more of the latter than the former.

Wisdom is ultimately what we need, and true wisdom is ultimately within.

That’s why it’s so important to listen.

Lesson 25 in practice

If you’re wondering how to connect with your intuition, the homework for Lesson 25 will give you a good way to start.

Personally, I skipped it.

Not because I think I’m above changing up my technique—she suggests writing a letter to god/the universe/whatever full of questions, and then meditatively composing your own response.

I’m sure this works, and I’d like to try it.

But coincidentally(?) enough, my #thankyouthursday post this week was all about spiritual connection and intuition and the importance of reliable guidance.

I wrote that post before I read Lesson 25, and I feel like I’ve sufficiently implemented the material.

Also, to be completely candid, I’m still tired from Tuesday’s espresso binge and the consequent whirlwind of Wednesday.

And I don’t have more time to focus on this lesson today because I’m about to go meet up with Paul’s cousin.

Wish me luck not talking about Paul

Well, technically, I’m meeting his cousin’s wife.

And in my defense—not that I need a defense!—she and I were building an independent friendship before the separation, and I have truly been missing her for months.

I just, I dunno, I also recognize that it will be very hard to see her and not talk about Paul.

But I also think I’m ready.

Last month we had plans and I had to cancel after her husband decided to join us at the last minute. Paul’s cousin’s wife, I could do. Paul’s cousin (aka my friend who introduced us), I could not handle.

I feel bad about that. It sucks that I’ve needed distance from people I truly care about just because one of their relatives broke my heart.

[NOTE: Technically, Paul did NOT break my heart. Technically, I reacted to his choices in a way that involved heartbreak. But sometimes it just feels better to say he broke my heart.]

But at any rate, my heart is healing, and I’m grateful I get to see a new/old friend.

And if I’m not sure what to say?

I can always trust my intuition.

Love > fear,

Christina

Want to know what happens next? Proceed to Chapter 26.

Missed what happened before? Go back to Chapter 24, or start from the beginning.