Love for Love’s Sake (Lesson 4)

You’re about to read Chapter 4. Want to start this story from the beginning? Go here.

I have faith that my beloved will find me.

It is safe for me to surrender to God’s will (aka love).

I trust that all is well.

Today I wrote down each of those phrases ten times apiece, and I have never felt calmer. Or further from Paul.

Real love is letting go

I was a real grade-A grown-up yesterday.

Yesterday was Paul’s birthday, and in part due to my experience with Lesson 2, I decided to reach out even though we are separated.

Our text exchange was simple and kind and perfectly appropriate, and I am grateful.

I wished him well and he appreciated my wishes and that was that.

And also, that was that.

Love for love’s sake is a gallant goal

Lest you think my maturity abounds, let me tell you what it took for me to send that simple birthday text:

-I woke up distressed at 4am, then again at 6am. To soothe myself, I listened to Susan Piver’s podcast about the Dharma of Love, which always helps me no matter what stage of relationship I’m in. In particular, the phrase “I love you more than I love us” never fails to redirect my focus.

-Once out of bed, I journaled for 20 minutes about my fears and hopes and frustrations. A lot of times, writing helps me resolve my issues. Yesterday, not so much.

-Then I meditated for 15 minutes, during which time my spirit guides told me that “anxiety is not an acceptable energy to accompany transmission of your message” but that Paul “will not be pained to receive a pure expression of your care, without pulling of any sort. And you are capable of releasing attachment. Simply remain with us until you feel ready.”

-So I stuck around in the upper realm until I got the inspiration to start talking to Paul the way I would IRL if I could. And then for the next 30 MINUTES I spoke to my imaginary non-boyfriend. I told him everything I’ve wanted to say since our last communication a month ago. And you know what? It really helped. I know he didn’t actually hear me, but I still felt heard.

-And THEN, after a mere few hours of mental and spiritual preparation, I was able to send a free-and-easy, genuinely loving, no-strings-attached text.

What I learned from Lesson 4

I tell you all of that so that you understand why Lesson 4 was both a relief and a challenge.

(Also, having told you all that, perhaps this is a good time to remind you that we’ve agreed to pretend you’re not reading this. So, especially if you know me in real life, you can just tuck that little anecdote deep, deep down in one of your brain pockets.)

Lesson 4 is pretty simple.

Basically, it presents the theory of love>fear, which is my life motto, so it was familiar material.

And if the concept of love>fear is not familiar to you, I suggest that you adopt my gentle obsession with Marianne Williamson and the text she teaches, which is A Course in Miracles.

(Personally, I find the actual text of ACIM to be mildly off-putting due to its formal, patriarchal, traditionally Christian terminology. But Marianne’s interpretations are a joy to receive.)

And of course you could also just read Lesson 4 of Calling In “The One”—it actually quotes Return to Love, which is one of Marianne’s books.

However you come by the information, it’s important to understand that love is the bottom line.

Because whether you know it or not, only love is real, and we are creating our realities.

And anything we approach with fear is more or less doomed to fail.

Including (and especially, in my experience) romantic relationships.

The essential aspects of love

In Lesson 4, Katherine asks us to “anchor [ourselves] in love as the foundation for doing the course.”

She provides a long list of what she calls “Essence Qualities” and suggests that we choose two or three to define the remaining 45 days of our quest.

As each Essence Quality is a property of love, you really can’t choose wrong. She encourages you to pick whatever qualities are uniquely suited to you at this time:

“If you have been deeply betrayed in the past, you might wish to anchor yourself in Healing and Courage as you again open yourself to love. If you have been abandoned, you might want to take on cultivating Trust and Openness as your new foundation for creating loving relationships.”—CITO p.33

Lesson 4 in practice

It was easy for me to select my Essence Qualities.

I just took a breath, closed my eyes, and the word “faith” immediately appeared, followed closely by “surrender” and then “trust.”

It was also easy for me to come up with statements of affirmations meant to anchor and ground me in those qualities.

I have faith that my beloved will find me.

It is safe for me to surrender to God’s will (aka love).

I trust that all is well.

It was hard for me to write the affirmations down ten times each.

Because I know those statements are true. I know they are. But with each assertion, I have to let go of my attachment to Paul.

I can’t both have faith that my beloved will find me AND worry that Paul won’t come back.

I can’t surrender to the power of love and also try to control what happens next.

And I can’t trust that all is well if I believe that Paul’s absence is a problem.

I’ll say it again: real love is letting go

It took me a little time to summon the willingness, but eventually I finished the assignment.

As I repeatedly wrote out each truth, I allowed myself to “feel it be so in [my] heart.”

I allowed myself to let Paul go.

Because as John Steinbeck said, “nothing good gets away.”

If Paul wants to return, he will, whether or not I worry.

And whether or not he returns, I have faith my beloved will find me.

Love > fear,

Christina

Want to know what happens next? Proceed to Chapter 5.

Missed what happened before? Go back to Chapter 3, or start from the beginning.